Are You Being Abused?

The White Ribbon Campaign

If you can answer "yes" to even some of the following questions about a spouse, friend, parent(s), partner, or relative, it is likely they are being abused:

• Was there verbal, physical and/or sexual violence in their family of origin?
• Were they abused as a child?
• Did they witness others being abused?

FACT: People who grow up in families where there was violence often become abusers or victims. They grow up accepting violence as "normal". Abusiveness is a learned behavior and an individual’s choice.

• Do they think poorly of themselves, or perhaps feel entitled simply because they are male?
• Do they seem like two different people: one who is extremely kind and charming- the nicest guy/gal you’d ever want to meet- and another who is extremely cruel?
• Do they refuse to accept responsibility for their own actions and behaviors?
• Are they sometimes childlike and dependent?

FACT: While no one can predict violent behavior, abusive people tend to have similar personality traits.

• Do they abuse substances?
• Are they more likely to be violent or more violent when they are drunk or high?

FACT: While drugs (with the exception of anabolic steroids and methamphetamines) do not "cause" violence, there is a strong link between substance abuse and violence. This "link" is commonly the abuser’s refusal to accept responsibility for their own choices and behaviors.

• Do they have strong "traditional" views about male and female roles?
• Do they believe that the man is the "head" of the household?
• Do they believe that a woman is the property or the possession of the man she is having a relationship with?
• Are they extremely jealous? Do they constantly think their partner is involved with someone else?
• Do they expect people to follow orders and anticipate their needs?

FACT: While certain belief systems do not necessarily promote violent behavior, abusive people tend to believe in ideas that "justify" their violence.

• Do they use force to solve problems? Do they have a quick temper? Do they get angry over "little" things? Do they play with weapons? Do they threaten people?
• When they get angry, are their family and/or friends afraid of them?
• Do they treat people "roughly"? Do they hit or use force to make people do what they want?
• Do people around them try not to make them angry because of the potential of violence, or because they are "unpredictable"?
• Do people feel threatened when they are around this person?
• Have family of friends changed their lives to avoid "rocking the boat"?

FACT: Violence is not a "joke", nor is it a healthy atmosphere in which to live. Be aware of associating with people who have abusive/violent characteristics.