Being Supportive of Family & Friends

Tell the victim that the abuse is not their fault. No one can force another person to hurt them; being abusive is a choice that the abuser makes.

Tell the victim that they did not deserve the abuse. No one ever deserves to be abused, not now, not ever.

Tell the victim that they’re not crazy. A person who is being abused often feels upset, depressed, confused and scared. Let the victim know these are normal feelings to have at times like this.

Don’t attempt to pretend that the abuse is not happening or to minimize it. Let your friend know that you take the abuse very seriously; minimizing the abuse can be a very dangerous course of action.

Tell the victim good things about themselves. Let the victim know that you think s/he’s capable, strong and brave. The abuser is telling the victim how stupid, useless and incompetent s/he is, the victim needs reassurance.

Try to assist the victim in breaking out of their isolation, stay in contact by phone or little visits.

Don’t spread gossip. If word gets back to the abuser that the victim has been discussing what’s going on in that house, the danger will increase drastically.

Don’t attempt to force the victim to do anything s/he isn’t comfortable or ready for. Leaving an abusive relationship is a process, not an event.

Encourage the victim to build or expand their support system by joining a support group, seeking counseling at an advocacy center or confiding in family or friends.

Never hold the victim responsible for the choices and behavior of the abuser. It does not take two people to create an abusive relationship; it takes only one person to decide to be abusive.

If a victim needs medical attention help them attain the care needed. Often the victim does not realize or minimizes the extent of the injuries.

Give the victim accurate information about domestic violence. Good intentions are insufficient. Call your local advocacy center and ask questions and request written educational materials so that you are helping effectively.

Don’t be judgmental. Until you have walked in this victim’s shoes you don’t understand what their life is like. NEVER tell someone what you would do if…You have no idea and you may be manipulating the victim into a dangerous position.

Information obtained in part from Women’s Rural Advocacy Programs

For additional information please see:

• Crisis Connection Statistics
• Speakers Available
• Successful Collaboration Wheel
• Advocacy Empowerment Wheel
• Community Accountability Wheel
• Continuum of Caring Wheel
• Coordinated Community Action Model
• What’s It Like to be Partnered with an Abusive Man?
• Tactics of Abusive Men
• Why Does He Stay and Demand She Stay?
• Why do some women, who have been abused by their partner, return to these men?
• What are your Options?
• Possible Consequences of Choosing to Remain in a Relationship with an Abusive Man
• Stages of Leaving an Abusive Man
• Coping with Relationship Grief
• Making a Difference…One Life at a Time