What Are Your Options?

The following list can be considered but your safety must always be your first priority.

Staying with your husband/partner

• Brainstorm additional safety measures; consult with a domestic violence advocate
• Draw-up “conditions” for staying in the relationship
• Obtain a 911 cell phone
• Strengthen your support network
• Establish a signal with neighbors if help is needed
• Assist your children in establishing their own safety plan
• Join a support group
  

Leaving temporarily

• Follow a safety plan; consult with a domestic violence victim advocate
• Decide where to flee if necessary
• Consider care of home and personal possessions while away
• Carefully consider yours and your children’s safety; consult with a domestic violence victim advocate
• Draw-up “conditions” for returning to your partner; consult with a domestic violence victim advocate
• Assist your children in establishing their own safety plan
• Join a support group
  

Staying in family home without husband/partner

• Petition for a protective order; consult with a domestic violence victim advocate
• Draw up additional safety measures for yourself and your children; consult with a domestic violence victim advocate
• Assist your children in establishing their own safety plan
• Join a support group
  

Leaving permanently

• Draw up additional safety measures; consult with a domestic violence victim advocate
• Apply for address confidentiality; consult with a domestic violence victim advocate
• Anticipate and consider monetary concerns; consult with a domestic violence victim advocate
• Make plans for starting over; consult with a domestic violence victim advocate
• Assist your children in establishing their own safety plan
• Join a support group

References:

The Batterer as Parent (2002); Bancroft, Lundy & Silverman, Jay G.; Sage Publications: International Educational and Professional Publishers; Thousand Oaks
When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse (2004); Bancroft, Lundy; G. P. Putnam’s Sons; New York

For additional information please see:

• Crisis Connection Statistics
• What is Stalking?
• Are You Being Stalked?
• Domestic Violence Stalking: Time to Act
• Cell Phone Harassment
• Internet Safety
• How Dangerous Is He?
• What’s It Like to be Partnered with an Abusive Man?
• Tactics of Abusive Men
• Why Does He Stay and Demand She Stay?
• Why do some women, who have been abused by their partner, return to these men?
• Stages of Leaving an Abusive Man
• Possible Consequences of Choosing to Remain in a Relationship with an Abusive Man
• Coping with Relationship Grief
• Parenting Characteristics of Abusive Men
• The Abusive Man is a Child Abuser
• Effects of an Abusive Man on His Children
• The Generational Cycle of Violence
• Divorce Resource
• Battered Women's Justice Project
• Center for Family Violence and the Courts
• Custody Preparation for Mom
• Legal Momentum
• National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women
• National Crime Victim Bar Association
• Women's Law Initiative
• Making a Difference…One Life at a Time
• Speakers Available