Healing After a Sexual Assault

There are stages of recovery after a sexual assault. As with the stages of grief, each individual reacts differently and at their own pace. Each survivor sets their own timetable; no one has the right to attempt to take these decisions away from the victim. Regaining control of their life is the goal of healing and that can only be accomplished by making the difficult decisions for themselves.

The stages of recovery generally will include:

Crisis or Acute Stage: This stage may last from a few days to a few weeks following the assault. Some survivors have an "expressive style" of dealing with the assault and are visibly shaken and upset, crying, hyperventilating, etc. Other survivors have a "controlled style" and may appear outwardly calm.

Differences in style does not mean one victim has/is suffering less than another, simply that different people have different coping styles. Physical symptoms during this stage may include muscle aches, headaches, stomach distress, nightmares, insomnia or wanting to sleep all the time, lack of or increased appetite, nausea, vomiting and assorted other stress related reactions.

Emotional signs to be aware of will include shock, numbness, disbelief, denial or minimization, fear, anger, shame, guilt, betrayal, sadness, confusion, loss of self-esteem, lack of trust in others and loss of faith in self.

Outward Adjustment: This stage may last from a few weeks to a few months. On the surface, a survivor may appear to be fine and have returned to her "normal" routine; however, she may have taken steps to feel more in control and safe, steps that may not have been at all "normal" before the attack. For example, some victims change phone numbers, buy new locks or a dog, move, change jobs, transfer to another school or even drop out of school completely. Friends and family may find it difficult to understand why the victim hasn’t put the attack behind her and moved on with her life. The timetable for healing is the victim’s to establish, not someone else’s and even though others may mean the best, they may not be helping. Education and/or counseling may be helpful for significant others also.

Depression: Many, but not all victims, report feeling of depression for a few weeks to several months to a year or more after an attack. The victim may question why this has happened to them or blame themselves for the attack. Everyday problems seem magnified. The victim may begin to self-medicate with alcohol, drugs and/or food as a way to cope with the pain. Feeling isolated and alone, the victim may withdraw further from friends and family and some may self-mutilate and/or consider suicide. If the victim has not yet accessed the help of a counselor, she should be strongly advised to do so immediately. The victim’s feelings during this stage may seem overwhelming and insurmountable. With the assistance of a trained sexual assault advocate to assist the victim in processing these feelings, she will begin feeling better.

Resolution: It may take from many months to many years for a survivor to reach this stage; where the focus is on the future rather than on the past; where the assault becomes a part of her "herstory", rather than her present. When a survivor can move on with her life and see the assault in perspective, resolution has taken place.

Silent Reaction: Many survivors, especially those assaulted during childhood or adolescence may remain silent and never report their assault(s) to anyone. These victims distance themselves from the assault and attempt to bury/deny/forget it. The memory is frequently too painful/confusing/frightening for the young person’s limited coping skills. At a later time, when the memories resurface, these victims may find themselves at the acute stage of Rape Trauma Syndrome and experience flashbacks, depression, etc.; even though the assault may have taken place many months or years ago. Please note that although this stage is most common with adult survivors of childhood and adolescent assault, it is not uncommon in young adult victims, particularly if the assailant is well known to the victim’s family, a relative or well regarded in the community, or if drugs and/or alcohol were employed to facilitate the assault. These survivors will likely experience additional difficulty with their recovery and are prime candidates for suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) if left untreated.

Healing takes times and everyone reacts differently. No one should attempt to rush their own healing process or to measure their process by another’s expectations. Separate counseling for the victim and the family/friends is highly advisable. An experienced rape counselor can facilitate the education, understanding and healing of everyone.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop and look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along…You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
~Eleanor Roosevelt~

"He has no control over me now."

"Rape can take away your sense of safety, trust, and self-esteem. It can make you feel isolated and alone. The way to reclaim your life is to talk with someone who can help, like a counselor, a friend, or a family member. Because the longer you keep it to yourself, the harder it is to make it go away."

http://www.911rape.org